Chapter 13 – True intentions

When mom and I returned home that night, my Grandma, her mom, was already there to help mom prep some of the stuff for Thanksgiving the next day.  I tried to help the best that I could.  At around 9:30 pm, mom turned to me, “bedtime Jay”

“19 years old and I still got a bedtime” I moaned

“ok, cry baby, I will get you in your bed clothes and then you can come back out in the living room” mom said

As I wheeled to my room mom and grandma followed me,  I would have rather grandma not followed, it is bad enough having mom in there changing my diapers

“They really fixed your room up nice Jay” Grandma said.  “It is definitely cleaner than what it used to be, though that bed of yours looks more like a crib”

“see mom, even grandma thinks so!”  At that moment I looked over into my bed and noticed that there was one of the largest Winnie the Pooh bears I had ever seen, and it looked like there was padding around the inside of the rails too.  “moooommmmm!!  What is that?”

“That is the promised surprise, oh and so is the new TV on the wall too. Your dad put it up while we were gone.”

So that’s why she took me out all day, and down to Young’s, trying to sweeten me up.

“Jayson, I  bet you’ve never noticed this,” pointing to a little white box on the dresser across from my bed.  “That is a baby monitor with video. Jay, I have seen you each night since that first night, snuggling with the stuffed animals.  It is alright if you want to regress as a way to cope with all of this, we all understand”

She had me there, I was so embarassed.  I did not want to admit it to her, or even myself, but these last two weeks I had found myself regressing a little.  I was thinking of the bed as my crib, and was dependent on my animals.  Heck in a way I actually liked being changed by mom and dad – it was personal one-on-one time that I had not had in years. It was time when I could actually talk about my feelings about all of this; which accompanied all the mood swings

“It also has seemed to bring you out of that funk you have been in the past several months in the hospital and since coming home”  again she was right  “I have been looking online, and have gotten a few things… I am thinking about switching you to cloth diapers, would you like that?”

“I dunno, will they be thinner, will they leak more or less”

“They will be thicker and not leak as much.  Maybe we can try them just at night.  Grandma has been doing some sewing for you too. She made a few cloth diapers that she thinks you would like, and hopefully are the right size for you and thick enough”

Mom proceeded to pull out a thick cloth diaper that had Tigger, Pooh and friends on it.  All this baby stuff was getting a bit much.

“MOM!! Those look babyish, I am 19 years old, not 2” I said, pouting, though on the inside I thought they looked cute, but I could not let on, lest I relinquish my adult status.

“Oh would you quit being a big baby” She stopped and composed herself as she thought about the fact that her son’s room had a large stuffed animal on the bed, crib bumpers, and she was holding a baby printed diaper “nobody is going to see your diapers anymore than they do normally.”  Which meant just mom, dad, the PT and maybe the doctor’s office nurses.

“It’s not like you roll around the house in just a diaper, or would you be wearing these out, just here at the house” she continued “now transfer over here so we can try this on”

I slid over to the changing table, as I now referred to it.  She rolled me side to side and slid it under me. Then she pinned it tight and put plastic pants on me.  Looking in the mirror on the wall, I looked just like a toddler.  More was to come after the cloth diapers,

“Your grandma and I have been sewing some things for you, and now would be a good time to try them on.”  She pulled out a t-shirt looking garment.  It looked like a baby t-shirt, it had the snaps in the bottom  “this is what they call a body suit or a onsie, basically it is a shirt that won’t come untucked when you are moving in your chair and being transferred, and it should hold your diaper close to your body.”  Mom slipped it over my head and I helped with the arms, then she laid me back and rolled me side to side to get the bottom of it pulled down; then she snapped it up in-between my legs.

If the cloth diaper did not make me look like a toddler, this certainly will.

They continued to try other clothes on me, all in all Grandma made me 2 footed sleepers, they looked to be ones like I had seen at target in the boys department before, but there was zippers in the legs.  I also got some track pants with snaps on the inside legs, several more onsies.  I think the onsies and the pants are going to be nice cause it will help mom when she changes me.

I went back downstairs with them as they finished cleaning the house, I tried to help the best I could, but tended to be in the way when in the kitchen.  Finally I just went in den and got on the internet.  I sent an e-mail off to Matt

Hey man, it was nice talking with you today at walmart, thanks for the shopping help.  I checked with mom and I have the day off from PT on Friday, and mom said if you want to come over you can, just call first.  Let me know if you need my number or not.  I figure we could hang out, watch some tv, play some games on the tv.  Too bad it’s so cold out, cause we got a pool and hot tub, but both are outside.

Hey if you talk to anybody from our class, try to set the record straight about my accident and let them know that I am home and up for visitors if they call first.

See ya

Jayson

 

I surfed around some more, looking at the disabled chat rooms and stuff, they bore me, most of them are so stuck up about things like having others help them; which I have come to really enjoy for somethings that I cannot do on my own.

“Jayson” I heard my grandma call for me

“I’m in the den, but I am coming“ I said as I shut the computer off and headed back to the living room to meet mom and grandma

“I think I am going to head home, it’s getting late.  I know this all is hard on you, but you are such a strong young man, you will overcome the things that challenge you now.  If you don’t like the cloth diapers I made, I will make ones that are plain” Grandma said

I began to feel bad for throwing such a fit about the diapers, which she put time into.  “Grandma, I’m sorry, you worked hard on them, and I will try them.  We can decide on what material later.  I appreciate the work you did, and I know things will get better for me, I just have to press on”

Mom popped her head in from the kitchen where she had slipped off to  “OK, bye mom, Jay, you need to go to bed, busy day tomorrow with all the family coming over”

Begrudgingly I had to agree with her, and went to my bedroom with both of them in tow.  Mom went to change my diaper which was a little wet, but not in need of change “I think your grandma and I will be making more of the cloth diapers and clothes for you Jay, that is if that is ok with you.  Heck Grandma might start making more stuff and selling it online.”  Mom said

“I get so bored being retired”  grandma said

I never knew my mom sewed that much, nor grandma, but looking back I guess they did.  Mom and grandma made mention to getting a website started for making and selling cloth diapers.

I had told mom that on Thanksgiving, I did not want people in my room looking around.  I wanted to keep the diaper and regressing thing private.  Mom pointed out that dad had changed the doorknob out to be a locking one, which she gave me a key to.  Mom said that she would respect my wishes and make sure the door was locked.

That night mom put me in the footed sleeper, put me in my crib and I grabbed my pooh bear and soon drifted off to sleep.