Chapter 20 – two babies in the house

Jackie now had 2 people to change each day.  The level of Sam’s spina bifida effected his bowels and bladder, and causes him to have problems walking long distances, and he does have a noticeable wobble when he walks.  He had asked early on if I too had to wear diapers, and I was honest with him that I did have to wear diapers too. I also told him how I ended up in a wheelchair.  We had decided to keep him in the school district that he was currently going to for that year, and then move him to the one near our house.

His first week of the new school in the the fall of 2003 was rough.  He has not yet mastered the art of changing himself, so he needed help; which the school had to find somebody, since they did not have a full-time nurse there.  We made sure a week before school started that they had somebody, and had taken a stock of diapers and supplies into them.

One day during the second week, I got a call from the school saying that Sam was in the nurses office and wanted to come home.  I got to the school and found Sam in the nurses’ office; he obviously had been crying.  “Hey bud, what’s wrong?”

“I had a accident, and it was stinky, everybody laughed at me.  Daddy, I don’t want to go back” He said crying again.

Obviously his teacher needed to do a better job of controlling the classroom.

“aww buddy, I’m sorry you had an accident, they do happen, but daddy and mommy will try to make them not happen much.  Maybe we could explain to your classmates why it happened, and that you don’t have control.” He just wanted to go home and be with daddy.

That day I gave in and let him go home for the day, after I talked to his teacher and the principal, and we both planned to go back the next day.  The next morning came and Sam did not want to go, but after plenty of re-assuring I got him ready for school.

The plan was to take him into school, and I was going to wait for awhile till his teacher was ready for me to come in.  As soon as I dropped him off at school, he went in.  I was a few minutes behind cause I had to get out of the drivers seat to my chair.

By the time I got to his class room, I could hear a few kids laughing and going “Sam wears diapers like a baby”  I could hear the teacher trying to quiet the class down.  I rolled into the room and the teasing stopped.  I guess some of these kids never saw somebody in a wheelchair before.

“Class, we have a special guest this morning. This is Mr. Ross, Sam’s dad.  He wants to talk to you all about how some people are different, and that it is not nice to tease them”  The teacher said

“Good morning, my name is Mr. Ross, but you can call be Jayson.  I bet you are wondering why I use this chair, well that is because my legs don’t work.  I got hurt really bad when I was younger and now my legs can’t work.  That makes me different, do any of you have anything that makes you different?”  A kid put his hand up and talked about his glasses “That’s right, glasses make you different.  But being different is not bad, or something to be ashamed of, or something to tease somebody for; that is not nice.”

One little kid put his hand up and said “Sam wears diapers, and my mom said that diapers are for babies. Does that mean that Sam is a baby since he wears diapers”

“Well yes, babies do wear diapers, but diapers come in all sizes, and not just babies have to wear diapers.  A baby wears a diaper cause they don’t know when they need to go to the bathroom; they have not learned what it feels like when they need to go.  Those feelings happen because of nerves, but sometimes, when we are born, or when we’ve gotten hurt, especially on our back, these nerves are broken and don’t work.  When that happens the person can’t feel things that happen.  Like I cannot feel when somebody touches my leg, or if I were to bang my knee on a table leg.  Sam was born with some nerves in his back broken, so he cannot feel when he needs to go to the bathroom, so that is why he has to wear a diaper.” I continued

“Differences come in many different ways, some people are blind and cannot see things, others are deaf, and cannot hear things, some people are born not able to walk, some cannot talk.  They all make the best of what they can do, not what they can’t”

I should have anticipated this next one, I really should have, this little kid Tyler had a question…. “Mr Jayson, since you can’t walk cause your back was hurt, do you wear diapers”  This kid must be on the fast track for the gifted program.

My face got a little red, but I answered honestly;  “yes, Tyler, I do have to wear diapers”

I think the teacher just spit coffee through her nose. “ok, class, are there any more questions? Mr Ross has to be going”

That was the last Sam told me about teasing.

During the first year or so that we had Sam, I had kept the baby room on the down-low. We had a lock on the door already.  I did not want him to know about it; it was rough enough him knowing that his dad was a diaper-wearer as well.

Eventually somehow he found out about the nursery; somebody left the door unlocked. I tried to explain it the best that I could to a 7-8 year old.

The baby room, was my undoing…  one day I took him to the office with me and he blurted out “my daddy sleeps in a crib in a baby room”  My clients looked at me.  I looked at Sam,  “well I guess somebody needs to learn what a secret is”  If looks could kill, he’d of been dead.

After explaining to my client that I was not some mentally deranged person, and coming clean about how I lived for the last 8+ years, they already knew I had to wear diapers, I mean it is hard to hide it sometimes.

That night when Jackie got home we had a laugh “well  it is your fault, you told him.  I said you should have stopped the crib and baby thing when we adopted him.  At least till he was older.” Jackie said

“I know, it is my fault. I am telling you the look on the boss’s face was amazing, where was the camera when I needed it”

Sam’s next question was not one I wanted to hear, but figured it would happen…

“dad, can I have a crib and a baby room too”  Granted he still had a toddler bed, cause he was small, with rails on it, so it was not far removed from a crib.

I mean what the hell am I supposed to say!!  “mommy and I will have to think about that”  well that shall buy me some time.  Jackie was none too keen on the idea, as neither was I.

I wanted him to grow up with as normal of a life as he could.  We mulled it over for the next two days.  Trying to figure out what to do.  We decided that if he really wanted a crib, we would allow him to use the one in the baby room; but his use of it would be limited, to the weekends, and special times. He already had other baby things like sippy cups, a changing table still, and my aunt and mom were still doing the clothing, so he always had onsies and sleepers.

I had not used the baby room that much in the last few years, because it would have been hard to explain why daddy and mommy didn’t share a room.

We left his bed still up the way it was, and hopefully using the crib in the baby room would hold his want for a crib of his own off for at least a year, maybe he will outgrow it. Thank God that he decided after a few times of sleeping in the baby room, that he did not like it.