Chapter  10 – unanswered questions

 

The three of us finished the tour of the house back downstairs.  As promised 6 months ago, dad, mom and I sat down on the sofa; me in-between them like old times.  Dad brought out a scrap book I had not see before.  On the front it said Jay’s fight.

I was floored.  In the entire time I was in the hospital my family, friends, everybody refused to talk about the accident, what my car looked like, how Sam died; nothing about the accident was said.  My parents told me that there would be a time when I got out of the hospital that we would sit down like a family and talk about it.

The photo of my car looked nothing like a car.  All I could see was the rear taillights.  The front of the car was up under the back of the semi, most of the damage was on the passenger’s side.  That is where Sam was.

The crash report says that the semi braked and I went to the left lane to avoid him but his overloaded trailer swung around and pinned my car under the bumper and then rolled ontop of the car.

 

Sam never had a chance; the solid I-beam of the bumper likely hit him in the head or chest and killed him almost instantly.  When the officers arrived, I was on the ground and somebody was attending to me, but nobody knows who he was, as soon as the medics arrived, he was gone.  It was freaky, cause usually people stick around to give a statement to the police, but this guy was gone/

To this day, I still don’t remember anything in-between the brake lights, and looking up and seeing the person holding my head still telling me to lay still, and then waking up in the hospital…… Maybe it’s best that way.

We watched a video tape of the news coverage of the crash, the funeral for Sam.  Mom and Dad both told of how they found out, flying by private airplane of a co-worker down to Louisville; not knowing for sure if I would even be alive when they arrived.

The doctors gave my parents a 25% survival rate that I would make it through the first 48 hours.  Mom had taken pictures of what I looked like, and it was horrible.  I was not even recognizable.

We sat and talked for about 2 hours, crying, laughing, and seriously talking about what all had to be done.  My dad had another 2 weeks off.  Mom would start her job part-time next week.

Thanksgiving is in two weeks, and the normal tradition has been broken, all because of me.  Grandma’s house is not accessible, and the doctors don’t want me jostled too much; so everybody is coming here.  Hey at least I ain’t eating through a tube anymore, cause I love the food for the holidays.    We talked about everybody being at the house and what to expect and such.   Mom broke our little family discussion apart when she looked at her watch.

“Good Lord, we have been down here for 3 hours.  Jay has pills to take, and probably needs “attended to” (another term mom invented to avoid saying I need my diaper changed.)

For the first time I noticed how much my room has changed; or should I say grown.  My small walk-in closet has been enlarged so I can get in and out of it.  Another hall closet has been lost and absorbed into my room.  I got my bed (looks more like a crib), my desk, dresser, bedside table, and this new odd piece of furniture. It looked like a therapy table like they used at the hospital, and that I have in the basement, but not as big.  Looking under it – I knew what it was; yep you guessed it – A CHANGING TABLE!!!

It was long enough that I could lay entirely on it, but was really meant that I just lay on it with my legs hanging off the end.  It was at the height as my chair was, so that was kinda low if somebody is going to have to change me.  The first time I was laid on it, I found out a few more things.  It had a belt to keep me from falling off, and it raises up.

At this point I had just about had enough; between seeing my precious car just smooshed to bits, the news coverage from the accident, Sam’s memorial and the accident report, my room, and my situation.  I had a wet and messy diaper on, the beginnings of a rash (not good when you cannot fell in that area, it can get out of hand quick), and I was tired.  I had held my composure as long as I could about this whole change to my life – I started bawling  “I hate this” I blubbered, “I should have let Sam drive then it would have been me, it’s all my fault, I wanted to get out of town and not come back” I continued to blubber through the whole change.  Recalling that Sam had wanted to drive the car that night, and I did not want him to drive, had he been driving it would have been me in the passenger’s seat.

Being as small as I am, it was not much effort for my mom to pick me up and lay me in my bed and comfort me.  “I know that this is all so hard for you, I know you feel like it was your fault for the accident, even though it was not.  I know you are embarrassed about the whole diaper thing, not being able to control things.  But rest assured in time when you are able to do things for yourself, you can, until then me, your dad and everybody will be here to help you when you need it.  Now I think a little nap would do you well” she said as she covered me up and helped me get my CPAP mask on.

“If you need anything just call out, or hit the red button on the railing” she said as she dimmed the lights and shut the door almost all the way.

Chapter 9 – Home Changed Home

 

I guess I was really tired, cause when we got home, I don’t recall being taken out of the van, brought into the house, or transferred into my new bed.

I woke up in the middle of the night dis-orientated.  I had my CPAP machine on for my sleep apnea, but was not used to my new room or bed.  I felt like I was in a crib.  It seemed like the sides were way higher than a hospital bed; and there were stuffed animals on my bed too. The stuffed animals were from people sending get well balloons and cards and stuff.

I drifted off to sleep, only to be awoken by mom doing a diaper change “I’m sorry, I know you were sleeping so well, but you needed changed and you need to wake up to take your pills”

“ok”, I say against the pressure of the CPAP machine as I reach up and take off the mask, What is up with the rails on this bed, makes me feel like I am a baby in a giant crib, and where did the stuffed animals come from.

“I know the rails are kinda high, but it is so you can better leverage yourself when you want to sit up on pull yourself over in bed; the stuffed animals came with the balloons and cards you were sent while in the hospital, we just didn’t know what to do with them.  OK, all done” Mom said as she finished taping up my diaper “lets get you dressed and tour the house”

“umm this is the same place as before”  I said annoyed

“ummm no, it is not, there has been a lot of remodeling and addition to the house smarty pants” mom said as she lowered the side of my bed and helped me get into a sitting position.  “ok, Jay the trapezes, or the overhead lift did not come in time to get them installed before you came home so I will help you get into your chair.  Just put your hands on my shoulders and then I will slide ya over”

“Mom! This just is not going to work.  You hold onto my shoulders and I will do the sliding”  She fussed abit, but we tried it my way.  Sure enough I was right – Score one for me!!

So far I have made mention to my wheelchair, or the chariot, but not gave much detail.  Since I cannot easily stay sitting up since I have no control over the muscles in my hip area, I needed a chair that can keep me positioned.  I have an electric reclining chair.  I also have to use a over the shoulder harness to keep me sitting upright (think of a racing harness).  Since I cannot lean forward with out falling forward I cannot use a manual chair; and having a power chair that reclines means that if I need to lay back and relax, I can.  I can also recline flat back in order to be changed.

Boy the remodel on the house sure did change it, almost every room was changed in some way or another.  The kitchen was remodeled with counters that I found I could get my chair up to in places like the sink.   Our sunken living room now had a sloped entryway.  And I noticed a new door off to the kitchen.  “what’s that new door?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know” my dad replied

“YES I WOULD!” I shot a look.  “I might have been away for some time, but I still want to know what you have done with the house” I grabbed the door handle and opened it up.  “What the….. is this”

In a smart tone “what does it look like….  I mean how did you think you were going to get to the basement, or upstairs?  Low crawl!”

“Well the thought had crossed my mind, as did the massive amounts of rug burns and splinters”  I laughed.  The elevator was big enough for my chair to go straight in, turn around (zero turn radius like the lawn mower baby!!), and then somebody else could slide in if they were not too big.

 

After being shown how the thing works, which is not hard – hit the button that says basement for basement and garage, main floor for the floor my room and kitchen are on, and upstairs for upstairs.  Mom and I took a ride to the basement, dad took the stairs.  What was once the large family room, looked like a weight room; which I would later nickname the torture dungeon.  The patio doors that went out to our lower deck were still there, but so was a pool and a hot tub.

 

“I hope you don’t mind that we used the settlement money to remodel the house and get the things that are needed for you to do your therapy here at home.”

 

“absolutely not!  That is what it was for, my care and adaptation to my life after the accident” I said

 

Mom piped in “now today and tomorrow are free days from therapy, but starting Monday you will be working out with a physical therapist some, with me some, and on your own.  Also from time to time a nurse will be stopping in to help us all out at least every other day; and you will learn to do certain things that will increase your independence too; like dressing yourself, assisting in changing your your…”

“diapers” I said

“yes your diapers” Mom said uneasily “I know we talked about it, but I just find using that term hard

“well that is what they are, no matter what you call them, that is just what they are”  I  stated.  I was getting annoyed that everybody liked to sugar-coat things and keep things from me like I was 5 years old.

I was not thinking about the next thing, but mom and dad were.  “Son, I know you may not think you can be independent again, but in time you will be, and you will be back to leaving when you please and going out driving around”  my dad said

Driving again was the furthest thing from my mind. “right now for all I care, I am happy to be home, alive, and am happy to not drive”.

Next stop was upstairs on the second floor with the new bathroom.  It had a whirlpool tub that I could transfer into easily and a roll in shower and shower chair.  Gone was the spare bedroom, but there was a new bedroom downstairs that they were working on as it is.

Chapter 8 – The road home, it is a long road too

 

The morning of my actual release the nurses all were nice.  In the morning the nurses came in and got me out of my night diaper, and put me in my wheelchair and took me down to the whirlpool room.  I just love being in the whirlpool, well the part of me that can feel it does.  The therapists say that it is good for my circulation in my legs, which I sadly miss being able to feel.

Before my bath I got a haircut, my hair had been getting a little long.  I had them cut it really short.  Now time for the next part; I got a nice refreshing bath.

I try to do as much of my personal care that I can do, it makes me feel good that I can at least wash myself, my hair, shave my face.

Back in my room I got re-diapered and then dressed.  I was not going out on the town dressed like this.  Sweatpants, t-shirt, and tennis shoes, oh and under it all a nice thick crinkly diaper.  Time to transfer to my chair.

To get from the bed or anywhere to my chair, or vie versa.  I have to pull myself up into a sitting position, and keep myself there; which is not easy seeing that I have no feeling or control  in my lower back to keep me upright.  Now that I am sitting up.  I got options..  I can use a transfer board and slide across it, and hope I don’t do a face plant.  Option 2 is using what is called a trapeze, which takes a decent amount of upper body strength.  Option 3 and my preferred method – use both; ever since I fell and cracked my head open with just the trapeze.

I use the trapeze over my bed to sit up, then jam the transfer board under my rear.  Now There is another trapeze right overtop where my chair should be.   I have a rope attached to this one so I can pull it close to me.  Time to rock!!  I grab the second trapeze and take a swing.  OK, so it is not as glamorous as the tarzan movies.  It is more like a quick bump up and down… I actually don’t leave the transfer board by much.

Ok, I am in my chair and ready to roll.  My parents have been running in and out taking stuff out to the new vehicle, which I hear is a van.

The discharge nurse comes in and says “Here are you walking papers”

Laughing I say “yeah if they could only do just that”

Mom comes back, “well are we ready to go, your father is loading the van up.”

“I’ve been ready for a week or two.  Let’s Roll” I said as rolling past mom and the nurse.  Only been out of the hospital maybe 2 times in the last 6 months, I did not know how to get out of there.  I just knew where the rehab room was, the gift shop, and the cafeteria (late night muchie runs LOL) was.  “Ummm a little direction here please”

“Just like a man, thinks he knows where he is going even when he hasn’t a clue”  Mom said

“Uh huh I hear dat” the nurse said

Finally out to the awaiting van.  Well at least I don’t have to transfer out of my chair to get into it; it has a wheelchair lift.

This whole time I have been in a hospital in Louisville, KY; so there is a long ride back home, and I plan on catching some sleep too. I had mom help me transfer to one of the captains chairs and lean it back.

About 3 hours later mom shook me awake “hey we are going to stop off and get something to eat. Lets get you changed first”

It then dawned on me… where would I change at, it’s not like at the hospital where I was taken to a private location or back to my room to get changed.  The look on my face must have told mom what I was thinking

“Don’t worry, the van has curtains and nobody can see in them, just help me and we can get this done quick”  She laid me back and with some help from me; I was in a clean diaper in no time.

After dinner, I decided to stay in my wheelchair, and just have the back reclined a bit; I soon fell asleep.

Chapter 7 – So this is what I have to look forward to.

 

In those last few weeks my mom seemed to be around more, it did not dawn on me till one morning when she was there when I woke up.  My mom was going to have to change my diapers!!!  After all this, could it get much more embarrassing?

I will admit, my mom was quite efficient at changing diapers, or briefs, or protective garments like people called them.  They were diapers to me, nothing else, just diapers, why hide behind a name like “protective garment”.

My mom helped the nurses with every aspect of my daily routine that week.

I had not seen dad in a few weeks; mom said that he was back home making sure that the house was ready for me to come home, lots of things would be changing at the house.  Mom said my room had to be remodeled, and the bathroom and the entrances into the house too.

This whole time my mom had been either living at the hospital right after the accident, at the Ronald McDonald House, a motel, and finally an apartment with another parent whose kid was in here too.  Dad would come down on the weekends when he could.

His job was nice enough to let him take time off, but it was unpaid, so he had to limit it greatly.

I found out that my mom had to quit her job and get one where she could work from home, in order to care for me.

I later found out that the semi driver and the driver of the white car were both drunk or drugged, the trucker and the white car were speeding and saw a state trooper  ahead and had slammed on their brakes to avoid a ticket or being pulled over.  My dad said that the trucking company had settled for $6 Million to be paid out over 3 years, and the driver of the white car’s insurance was still trying to come to a settlement amount, but that too was in the millions cause the driver of the car was a pro athelete, and had been drunk before.

One day while I was talking to mom about what all happened with the accident, trying to fill in the pieces of what I remember and don’t remember, we got on the subject of the actual accident.  “I don’t remember much of the accident, I remember the white blur, the sportscar that flew by and caused the accident, then the army guy. This guy in camo was overtop of me and told me to keep still but that was it.  Do we know who that was?”  She did not know.  I described him and nobody knows who this person with army fatigues was, there were no first responders in army fatigues…. – We would find later though.

I was supposed to go home on Tuesday, I was so excited.  I had been in the hospital almost 8 months, and I just wanted to get out of here; even if it is in diapers.

Thanksgiving was really close and so was Christmas, a chance to see all my family.  Many of my family came shortly after the accident, but I was so in and out of it with the pain, that I did not get to enjoy the time they were there, nor do I remember much of it.  Too bad that they were not able to come down after I was in rehab.  I missed playing video games with my cousin Jake.

Tuesday morning came, the lab technician came in to take my blood like they do each week, at the crack of dawn, damn vampires!!  The tech walked in and woke me up, “good morning, time to give me your blood.  Smells like you need a change too”

“I figured that, it sucks not being able to do things, and control things like I used to.” I said while choking up a little. “I mean, having to wear diapers all the time is bad enough, but having to be changed like a baby is worse”

“I know things are hard to swallow, but you are not dealt more than you can manage, you made it this far, and trust me, when they first brought you in, you were very bad off.  I have seen other people not recover for your injuries, or take a lot longer.  Look at you, you may be going home today”

“May be going home !!, what do you mean may be… I wanna go home, I am going home today!”

“Well, if your blood work shows nothing wrong, the doctor will dismiss you, but if it does not, they usually make you stay.”

You guessed it, bad blood…. It was Thursday before I got to go home.

Chapter 6 – ewwww that smell

 

While the ability to eat solid, or semi solid food again was great, it also brought on more embarrassment and degradation. For the last 3 months I had been fed through a tube in my stomach; this was all liquid and it came out that way mostly.  Now I was eating things like vegetables, fruit and meat.   These were not going to be coming out liquid.

I remember the day after I had been able to eat something other than Jello and Pudding…. I had a big mac, well it was a big mac to begin with, but I could not open my mouth far enough to eat it, so I made a mess and tore it apart and ate each layer.

That next morning I awoke and something smelt foul; this is why fast food is horrible.  I called the nurse in and she did not have to ask me what was wrong, she knew.  “Oh boy, smells like your digestive system works quickly.  Don’t be embarrassed, we are used to cleaning people up who are incontinent.”

I began to cry, “Why did this have to happen to me, why?” I blubbered; I pretty much was in a funk the rest of the day, not talking much or anything.

Later on the nurse came in with a green pill I had never seen before. “These are chlorophyll, they for lack of a better term make things not stink, if you know what I mean.  The doctor thinks it would be best to have you take these before each meal”

She went on to tell me that they will turn my messes green, but it will not stink as bad, but may be softer too.  She said it might also turn my tongue green too, but that the goal was to make the bowel messes less stinky.  So I took them.

My days started to fly by.  Each day it was the same, get woke up, get changed, eat, work out in physical therapy, eat lunch, work out some more, eat dinner and watch TV.

Probably 4.5 months after my accident, I was transferred to a rehab unit, where they tried to teach me how to care for myself.  That was really hard when I had a hard back brace on that kept me from bending over.

I did learn how to get in and out of bed with the help of a trapeze, but it was hard, and one time I dropped myself and hit my head, which bled a lot and needed stitches.

It was now closing in on 7 months after the day that changed everything, I was getting close to being able to go home. Now that I was able to sit up, eat normal food, and such, I settled into a routine.  I had therapy each day, two times a day, 3 meals, 4 to 6 diaper changes.  Finally! After about eight and a half months, it was time to get out of this joint.  I would still have therapy at home, and probably for the next year have this brace on my back, which keeps my ability to move down.

Chapter 5 – Recovery

 

A few days after the Dr. came in with the news, the nurses started to mess with my breathing machine.  I found out that with my jaw broken, they decided the best way to get me air was to cut a hole in my neck and put a tube in there, a tracheostomy.

I found out quickly something else that would be changing, and I do mean changing…..  I was in diapers!!!  Because of the injury to my back, I would have no feeling from my chest down. This meant that I would have no control over when I had to go to the bathroom.  Let alone be able to move or feel my legs.  This depressed me very much.  I don’t know if the not being able to walk again depressed me more, or the having to wear diapers for the rest of my life.

See, I was a bedwetter till about 13, and I hid the shame of having to wear diapers at night.  I hated wearing them then, and that was only for night time….  Now I was stuck in them ALL THE TIME!!

At least 4 times a day a nurse would come in and unhook the hose from the machine, suction out the hole in my neck and try to let me breath.  All while keeping a close eye on me……  This was also the times, that they choose to change my diapers.  I felt so helpless.  Still not being able to talk other than mumbles, all I could do was listen to my inner voice and cry quietly.

The first several days, I did not last long off the vent, but as the weeks went by, I got up to 1 hour or more, finally one day, about a month after my accident they removed the vent and I lasted the whole day.

Eventually they changed the tube to something that could be capped off, and would be used just to get oxygen if I needed it, and I could breathe on my own,  I could even mumble words through my teeth.

I was being fed through a feeding tube in my stomach, they must have put it in while I was sedated.

I still had oxygen going into my trach most of the day, cause it is a little hard to get all the air you need just through your nose and not your mouth

The first thing I asked when I could talk was “where is Sam?”

 

My mom broke down in tears…….

She did not have to say it, I knew then, Sam did not make it.  With the disheartening news that my best friend had died during the crash, it was worse that I could not say goodbye to my best friend since childhood.  Sam was the only one I ever let stay over at the house, or who’s house I stayed the night at due to my bed wetting; he swore he would never tell another soul, and I am sure he never did.  I had always thought that we both would be grilling steaks with our wives when we were 30 and talking about the best way to do this or that.  Now that will never happen, everything that I had planned out for my life has changed, and will never be the same.

I sank further deeper into depression about my situation. I think at some point for a week or two I just kinda gave up on living, I just did not care what happened anymore.  I requested pain meds constantly, just so that I could be out of it long enough to forget my situation; but it always came back to home.  I would come out of the fog and there I would be, in the hospital, tubes, wires, hoses and diapered.

It seemed as soon as I woke up in the morning, a nurse and an assistant were in my room changing my diapers.  They would take the tapes off the front, then roll me over like a log.  Get the old one out from under me, and then stuff the new one under me; then roll me back flat, then roll me the other way.  This embarrassing task was done 4 to 6 times a day.  Well at least they were just wet, and not messy often.

About 6 weeks after the accident the doctor came in with some new X-Rays and said my neck was better, and so was my jaw.  They wanted to wait for another month (UGH!!) before they scheduled surgery to remove the halo and my jaw wires.

I kept track of the days and hounded the doctors to check my neck and jaw again, finally 3 weeks later they took an X-Ray and scheduled the surgery for the next week

Once again, I awoke groggy, little bit of pain, and still can’t move. I still had something on my neck but not as annoying as that dang halo, my mouth was so so sore. I could not open it up much, it felt very stiff.  I was still on the feeding tube since I had not been able to eat anything by mouth.  Slowly I was able to begin opening and closing my mouth.

As the days turned into weeks, things seemed to come along better, I had sat up the first time in 3 months. I Did not get to sit up much, still very painful, and the first few times I actually passed out from the blood moving from my head down to my feet.  I began to be able to eat normal food again slowly.  But this too brought its own problems.

I had been on liquid formula for about 3 months, so I rarely had a bowel movement, and when I did it was small and liquidy.  Now, I was eating real meats and vegetables, which meant more solid bowel movements.

Chapter 4 – Where am I, What Happened (2 days post accident)

 

“Folks, he is waking up” a voice said, and I saw my mom and dad’s face, obviously stressed out.  I tried to talk but nothing was coming out, I could not move my teeth.

“What is happening to me, I feel like the guy in the video for ‘One’ by metallica”

“Can I touch him” Mom quietly whispered, like if she did it without asking she would get in trouble

“Yes” the voice said, “just remember not to lift or move him”

“Oh sweetheart, I know you hurt and are scared” She was making me more scared than anything cause I was not sure where I was or what was happening.  “Your dad and I are here, we won’t leave your side.  But the doctors want to make you more comfortable, so they are going to give you some stuff to sleep for a few days”

Doctors, sleep, pain, leaving my side; I put them all together, I am in the hospital, but why?

As sleep overtook me, I thought I heard my mom say “you were in an accident”

I guess it was like 7 days later, I woke up again, groggy, foggy, unable to move, in pain, could not talk, still not sure where the air was coming from.

Just like before, my mom was right by my side “oh, honey, I know you’re scared, things will be ok.  The doctor should be in soon”

A knock came to the door and in walked the doctor, “Hello, I just got his latest X-Rays, I am afraid it is not the best news, but not the worst either”

Now I was getting scared, cause doctors never say bad news

“He did suffer a spinal cord injury in the T7 vertebrae and the fracture in his neck at C6; luckily the fracture at C6 is just a fracture and there appears to be no damage to the cord other than swelling.”

The doctor went on to say “as we are well aware, his jaw is broken, as is his right arm.  We are going to start weaning him off the ventilator as soon as possible; the swelling from the cervical fracture is decreasing his ability to breath on his own.”

So I know I was in the hospital, and by the way the doctor talked, I would probably be her awhile too.  What I don’t know is where was Sam at?

Chapter 3 – Freedom!!

 

I had planned on going on a little road trip, maybe heading down through Kentucky and into tennesee, and then I don’t know where.  I just wanted to go for a drive, with no particular destination.  I had my car, my savings and a road atlas.  How was I to know that this trip would change many lives, forever.

My best friend Sam from school wanted to join me, we could split the driving and costs too.  I figured that two people are better than one when it came to traveling with no goal in site.

We set out from Ohio with the sun to our backs on Monday April 14^th 1996.

Getting out of Ohio was the first step, heading south through Cincinnati during rush hour was not my idea of fun and it delayed us by about an hour.  Finally, we made it to Louisville around 10pm that night.  I had planned out where we should end up with a little room for side trips, so driving in a strange town after dark should not happen too often.

Being two young adults without elder oversight (our parents nagging us), we stayed up half the night searching out what we wanted to do.  I had picked up a ton of brochures on tourist things to do.  We had it all planned out.

“Dude, lets see that place they make the baseball bats” Sam said, “Then do the Jack Daniels tour, maybe they will let us sample some product, ya think”

“There is no way they are going to let us sample JD, we’re not 21” I said and threw the brochure at him.  “We were going to the baseball bat factory the next morning and then on a riverboat ride in the afternoon, then head further south.  We cannot even get into the distillery tour, they don’t do them during the week”

I never knew how much went into making 1 baseball bat; so much waste wood.  The riverboat ride was nice and calming, but got cut short when it started raining.

Sam wanted to drive, but I insisted on driving since it was my car and I knew how she handled in the rain.  We drove into the evening, and choose to continue past our pre-planned stop.  Since we had cut the riverboat thing short, we had more time to get to nowhere…..

Somewhere around 8pm we were through all the rush hour traffic and things opened up a bit.  Sam growing more impatient with the traffic was happier, “ok now show em what she really has and quit driving like my gramma” With the roads still wet, I knew better than to open her up and show him what she can really do, so I didn’t.

“Hell no! the one thing I don’t want is to wreck my car, are you crazy?  This car can get  sloppy on a wet road if you are not careful”  I said trying to reason with him; afterall this was my car, not his.  Him being the one who wrecked his car the first week after graduation.

“Jesus Christ!!” Sam yelled  as this semi barrled right by us  “where the hell is he going” as the semi cut right in front of us.  I eased off the gas and let it wind down to give some distance.   The next thing that happened has been a blur for all these years.

I remember a white blur pass us on the left, I seen his brake lights pop on, then the semi sliding, and then it goes very vague.  Next thing I remember a voice saying “Don’t try to move, just lay still” and there was an upside down face above mine, I noticed he had army fatuges on  “Just stay still, the medics are on their way”  I blacked out and back in several times.

I heard sirens and people talking, people were doing things to me.  But I only seemed to have pain in my upper back and neck, nowhere else.  “where’s the bird?  Call the M.E. out here we got one more”

Next I remember a lot of pain in my head, neck and upper back, and lots of white light. “Where am I at” I thought,  My body seemed to be just floating here, I was breathing, but did not feel the air enter my mouth or nose.  I tried to turn my head and it just would not move.

 

Chapter 2 – Dreams do come true

 

Right before college in October 1995, I was driving out in the country with my dad, and we were discussing finances and college.   I had gotten many scholarships to college, so that first quarter would be a little lighter than the rest.  That is when my dad surprised me.

Working for the phone company, he travels a lot of the back roads of the county and sees things that most would never see.  He had me pull down some little gravel road; what does he have me going back here for.  That’s when I saw it. It was bright yellow, top down, looked like it just was washed and waxed.  “Wanna take a look, I hear it’s for sale” Dad Said.

“Well Yeah!!”  I said, barely getting the car stopped before I threw off my seatbelt and jumped out.  The car was not new, it was a 1986, but was well taken care of, it did not have many miles on it either.  Finally, the lady came out of the house and walked towards us.

“So, you like the car” She said

“Yes, I do, but is it for sale” I asked, not seeing a for sale sign or anything

“Sure it is, I washed it this morning, cause your father said that you were looking for a car” She said  “My son bought it brand new when he went off to the military, but when he got stationed overseas he signed it over to me so I could get the tags and such for him.  Then he got stationed over in Europe, then the gulf war broke out and he was killed over there”  She paused and took a breath  “I kept it in the barn for a few years, everybody said that I should have just sold it after he died, but I could not bring myself to it.

When my car broke down last week, I got it out and drove it, but it is just too much car for me.  When your father came out to fix the phone, he saw it and made the comment that you were looking for a car like it.  I was going to take the car to town that day and see what I could get for it, but let your dad make an offer for it.”

“M’am might  I ask you how much you would want for the car” Thinking that she would want way more than I had or was willing to give, I mean after all it had not been driven that much, it had 30,000 miles on it, and I bet most of that was the trip from wherever her son had been stationed

“Well I had discussed with your father the price of $8,000 since it is in such great shape and the milage” The woman politely said

Excitedly I said “let me talk to my dad” Dad and I walked away so we could talk.  “Dad, that is a lot of money, I have many times that saved up, but spending it is oh so hard for me to do.  “I want it, I really do.  What will mother think about it though”

Dad took a deep breath, I was thinking that he was going to try to talk some sense into me and tell me to not spend the money “Son, you have been working for the last 4 to 5 years, you have scrimped and saved every penny you ever made, heck you opted to not get senior pictures done professionally or your graduation stuff done just to save money.  I think you have long ago deserved this.  Your mother and I have talked it over; she agrees with me.”

“Son, you need a reliable car for when you go away to college, you will be over an hour away, and that ol Honda of yours is on it’s last leg, it leaks, creaks and smokes every time you drive it.  I was about to tell you that you would have to get rid of it cause it was making a mess in the driveway.  Also son, I have looked this car over, gassed it up, and drove it, heck I was even so sure that you would get it I changed the oil the other day on it.  It is in fine shape, buy it, you deserve it, and it is well below blue book price too”

We walked back over to Mrs. Jensen, I later found out her name when I paid, “I will take it!”  being dumb and young, and really never touching my savings; I had no clue how to take that much money out of the bank “Dad, how do I get the money from the bank, will they just count out cash to me, do they make me get an armored car or what”

“Jayson, don’t be silly.  The bank will cut a cashier’s check to Mrs. Jensen and she will take it to her bank” Dad said, kind of annoyed at how dense I can be sometimes, but I never really took money out of the bank, I was always squirreling it away.  Sure maybe $20 here or there, but not eight grand

“Oh” was all I could say

Dad, myself and Mrs. Jensen all went in town to the bank and I got the money and the lady at the bank notarized the title for us too.  I then went to the title office and then the BMV and got my license plates.  Finally a car that I could count on; and to top it all off, somebody bought the Honda from me that week!!

I drove it a lot every chance I got.  To the local lake, the big city, road trip to Cedar Point, then Kings Island.  As it got closer to going off to college I started to take more and more time off.  I had given notice to my two jobs months ago, so they started to cut back my hours, while giving them to other employees who would take my place; which was totally cool with me.

Going off to college was a scary time for me, first time being away from home for a long period of time.  I know my parents were scared too.  Dad rented a small U-Haul so we could move my bed, computer stuff, desk, dresser and some furniture he picked up at the goodwill.   I got an apartment with some friends that I knew from around home.

I soon settled into college life well, I had a few part time jobs assisting professors, working in the computer labs and tutoring.  Money was tight, but I still had my savings, and my parents were helping me to not have to use any of it.

Finally the spring semester let out, finals out of the way.  Time for some fun!

My First 30 Years

By Diapernh

 

Chapter 1 – A look back

 

Well, I made it to 30 years old.  Many people said I would never live to see this day, I proved them wrong.

My name is Jayson, but most just cal me  “J” or “Jay” It has been a long and hard trip, mostly these last 12 years have been a fight. Many times a fight to live; sometimes a fight just to do the basic things that most take for granted.

I grew up in small town Ohio, part of the typical middle class suburbia life, 2 parents, 2 cars and a house. I was an athlete in high school, played Soccer, ran Cross Country, ran track too… All while holding down a part time job and getting my 3.5GPA.  I was not your average big burly jock; I barely stood 5 feet in shoes.  I was always getting thought of as my friend’s younger brother.

I loved working; I saved almost every penny I had from the time I turned 14.  I mowed yards, painted houses, anything I could make money at I would do.  My goal for my savings…. A CAR!!!

I wanted more than just any car, I wanted a yellow Mustang; that would mean a lot of lawn mowing and house painting.  Hey, I was 14 at the time… I had no realistic idea of what it would cost.  As my 16^th birthday rolled around, I began to let go of that dream a little bit, I wanted to drive so bad, that I did not care what it was.

Shortly after getting my license, I “just had to have a car”; so I bought an old Honda, man that car was junk… radio was junk, interiors were junk, it smelled bad, it looked bad.  I think it cost me more to keep the car running that first 6 months than what I actually paid for it; but it was all mine, no payment nothing. It got me back and forth to school and work almost all of the time.

I continued saving my money up for the next 2 years, and when I graduated high school I had amassed a good sum of money. By now I was working full-time at the local bowling alley, and part time at the grocery store.  My parents thought I was working too much, sometimes for 2 weeks straight, but I wanted to work.

My parents and I agreed that I could wait till after that winter to go to college.  They knew that I wanted to get a savings built up, cause I would not be able to work a whole lot when I was in college.

My planned major was Athletic Training, with physical education as a dual major.  Like I said I was not stacked and looking like a linebacker, but the muscles I had were well refined and toned.  Linebackers cannot run a 10k or half marathon either.

The goal was to go to a college about an hour or two away. Far enough to live on campus and get the college experience, and yet close enough to come home on breaks and even weekends. My parents and I had toured several universities and settled on one that had a good balanced program for both of my chosen majors.

I was banking close to my entire paycheck in my savings, in fact I had a money market account, several certificate of deposits as well, which my parents had urged me to get.  I basically only had to pay for my car repairs, gas and insurance.  If I wanted to go out with friends, I would be as frugal as possible.  While my friends were out to concerts and the movies almost every weekend, I was at work, and taking in the cheap matinees or dollar theatres.

“Honey you need to slow down, take some time off” My mom would always say.

“I’ll take some time a little later, I just want to get enough saved up to not need to take out many student loans.” I would always say.  To be honest I just wanted to not have to burden my parents or put myself in debt.  Though I knew I had to get a good car, even if it is not my dream car, as this old beater with a heater would not make it to college and back.